I'm a whinger. I know.

Soo. Everytime I feel like I want to write a blog.
I get onto blogspot and don't feel like being a whinger any more.
I'll do my best?

I'm a bit scared at the moment. Doctors are doing a few tests atm.
Don't know whats wrong. It sucks alot.

People take internet sites too seriously.
"People hate too easily and love to seldom."

Sorry. I like that quote.
But it's true.
So is this one.

"Be who you are, and say what you feel. Because those who mind dont matter,
and those who matter, don't mind."

And again. Someone I trusted left. Party anyone?

Redeemer is a bit of a hole. Not the school I guess.
But some of the people in it.
Hmm there is like. 7 people that I genuinely care about at that school.
Everyone fucks everyone else over at that place. It's sad to see the
way people treat relationships these days.
I would like to move alot.
Please. Thank you. Goodbye.

ehh you are gay.

OKAYY;
so todays is gay.
It rained alot.
And I got my phone wet so that makes me cry.
Then Emily and I jumped into a puddle.
So my shoes are squishy.
Then I proved myself right that boys are a waste of time.
So it was great fun. Mmm yeah.

Joanna and My sweet sixteenth.

This is a once in lifetime opportunity to party hard.
It will be the party of they year. And you'll only be invited if your cool.

We're hiring a masssssive hotel. And everyone is going to arrive half an hour before Joanna and I, so they can all watch us rock up in our stretch-stretch limo. And walk up the red carpet. Once we reach the end of the red carpet, we will get onto an elephant that will take us all the way to the hotel entrance. 
Once you get inside, there will be acrobats on the roof doing tricks and shit. And tigers as well as the elephants just chilling around the place. The entertainment for the night will be Lady Gaga. We will both be getting cars for our presents and also we will get to legally change our names to Dizzle and Uma. 
If we are lucky, the tigers will try to kill the elephants and Lady Gaga will stop singing and say "This can't happen", in which case, she will get off the stage and start wrestling the tigers to save the elephants. Unfortunately for some, she might die. You might see her in magizines and on television, but just know, it isn't actually her, its just an imposter that her manager hired so that people wouldnt know that she died at a Sweet Sixteenth birthday party. 

When we put the hot as pictures of Uma and I in our hot as ball gowns onto myspace, you might only see a few people in the background, but don't worry it's not cause there isn't anyone there, it's just because they are all either in the bathroom or waiting in line to get a herbal massage from the massouse we hired. 

So yeah. I know that you are all dying to get your invite, but don't get your hopes up, cause we are probably going to only invite our celebrity friends and male models. Even Miley Cyrus is coming. We flew over to America in our very own jet (that we also got for our birthday), don't get mistaken by the quantas sticker on the jet, we just don't want you to be jealous of us, so we want to trick you into believing that we fly in normal planes like all you normal people. Anyway, Miley said that she would come, and even offered to go to Africa and get the elephants and tigers for us. Isn't she just lovely?
Well anyway, ciao xx

Hey miss sobriety.

Do you remember me?
Or how to say my name?
Do you remember when we were friends?
Yeah all the way back then.

Well. Tallle got better. Alot better.
We ironed out everything. And went back to what we do best.
Take the shit out of eachother :)
Oh and i'm engaged to one mr Syd McCullough.

Lucy and I went to the boxing day sales :) and walked around for eight and a half hours.
But the highlight is we found out where all the hot guys have been hiding.
Robina :)

Crappy crappy rain. Is good in a few ways. Go mother nature.
Mmmmmmmmhm.
This is gay. Bye.

A letter to you;

Dear Readers,
What is trust?
Honeslty though?
Do people even know the meaning of it anymore, cause they sure as hell don't act like it.
Because. Some one is always out to get them.
Or someone has said something about them.
Or so on so forth.
But everyone is just the same.
Everyone has issues with trust, whether it be they trust too much or too little.
If you trust too much, your leaving your self open to countless oppurtunities for people to let you down.
The more you care, the more your likely to get hurt.
But if you trust to little. How can you ever have a healthy, normal relationship or friendship.
Without feeling a little paranoid, betrayed, left out.
How can you ever know if some one is true or not. You have to trust them.
But what if they're not true but you trust them anyway. Hello broken heart.

I heard recently that 'the most power lies with he person who cares the less'.
Really comforting right? Because you can't deny the fact that it's true.
Because they person who cares most is likely to bend over backwards for the person that they care about, so then the person who cares less can make the other do whatever they please. Being a dickknob = Power.

And whats with not caring at all?
Oh it's harder than it looks, and it hurts more than you could ever imagine.
But why are some people made like robots? They just don't care.
Because they have had so many people hurt them, ones they didnt think ever would.
So their instant reaction is to clam up, and not care about much.

And judging? For fricks sake. Get the hell over yourselves please people.
The time has past where we sit there and say omg look whats shes doing or I cant believe he just said that. We're not in grade eight anymore.
Just kick back, relax. Either be friends with someone or dont.
Dont take the pussy way of being friends but chucking a bitch about them when they arnt around.
At least say it to their face? Honestly.

2010 will start a new era. Well It's started already.
The CHILL. era. Just smile. Relax. Don't let politics get to you.
Stay uninvolved. Don't bitch. Thats the lifestyle I'm taking up from this instant.

It can't change the lack of trust for people, it won't change my sudden outbursts of.. well.. weird. But I'm hoping it can change my dodgy moodswings once I dont let people shit me off. I'm hoping it will just make things easy.
I need to buckle down in school, I don't need this immature bullshit that people bring into everyones life. Honestly.

Back on the judging issues. I talked to a few people last night.
That, me as a bitchy shithead, had always disregarded as pathetic, or dropkicks.
But they arn't. And I shouldnt have judged them. And I'm pretty sure one of you read this, so I'm sorry. They are actually pretty hilarious. And I had missed this whole great personality because I had only listen to what people said about them, or based on what I had seen them do.

I'm sorry. To everyone.
For what I have been, as of late.
I have been so distracted its not even funny.
But three weeks away will do me good I believe.
So I can think about everything, practise my chill behaviour.
And hopefully I'll be good as new for everyone when I get back.
I hope you all enjoy your holidays, and I'll post again sometime next week.
Love, Rachel.

I enjoy findng old videos.

Clearly I was one of those really cool kids. You know. The one EVERYBODY wants to be? Mm. Obviously.

Life goes on.

I cannot wait. Until I am eighteen.

I am moving out.

Moving far away.

Overseas please.

Anywhere that I can forget my past.

And never have to look back.

At anyone who has ever let me down.

I'm going to move.

And not tell anyone where I am going.

Because the sooner I can get on with life, forgetting the disappointments, the better.

Forget my family.

Except for my sister. She's the only thing that keeps me sane

Forget all the other complications and interruptions in my life.

Except Nia. She is amazing.The only one for me ( L )

She will always. come first in my eyes.

She's beautiful and reliable, and silly but wise. Shes amazing and she is everything to me.

Nothing can affect this. Nothing and no one.

But I'm over everyone else and putting in the effort to fix things, when they cant even be bothered to do the same.

I'm over wanting everything to be okay, because I know that it won't.

I'm over knowing that your friends are going to get hurt, but theirgonna keep going back for more.

I'm over being selfish, but thats the way its going to be. Take it or leave it.

I'm over fixing things, and then their broken again. It's not up to me anymore.

I'm so disappointed that the one person I thought I could trust, turned out to be the one that hurt me the most.

There is a point in your life when you get tired of trying to fix everything and make everyone happy. And when you finally decide to quit, it's not giving up. Its realizing you don’t need certain people and the bullshit they bring into your life.